March 21, 2010

174.2lb
9mm/9.5%

I'm starting this week at a pretty good body fat percentage, so I'm in a good position to really push it to the edge, I think, and possibly get down to 8% or so. It might actually take a couple weeks, but either way I'd like to press forward to my goal.

Bah, strike two on a particular mistake today. I hit the snooze button, slept in an hour after my planned wake-up (9), and then procrastinated playing Magic and watching SC2 videos on youtube for a while. I thought I'd be able to squeeze in my workout before having to rush for my train, but of course I just made it far, far worse for myself by putting in a lot of the work without having time to finish, so now I have to start over again when I get home from the show tonight, tired and angry. Of course, anger doesn't help anything, so instead I'm using this as an opportunity to remind myself how foolish it is to waste time and try to squeeze things in when they simply demand more time and attention. There's no point in starting a workout if I'm not going to do it properly and give it my full attention, and as much as I tried to be clever and think to myself, "Well, this will give me an impetus to try and complete it quickly," I can never forget that doing the movements correctly and well ALWAYS comes before intensity. Something like a one-handed dumbbell squat clean is not something I want to be doing as fast as possible just because I didn't leave myself enough time. So, I think I'm doing the right thing by making a clear note of my mistake and the correct solution instead of fretting about it. Now I can shower, prepare my meals, and go catch my train and come back to do the workout properly when I'm done. It will be challenging because I think it would be correct to do the warmup again, and also I do need to do my cardio as well, but it's always better to hold yourself to a high standard.

Anyway...

CFWUx3
-ball supermans
1k row, then stopped

Well, I procrastinated again, except this time I pushed it to the point that it no longer made sense to work out anymore. I'm not happy. I'm very afraid, to be honest. I'm afraid of my perfectionism getting in the way. Procrastination and perfectionism go hand in hand, every time. My perfectionism wanted me to do the entire workout today as well as added cardio, but for some reason the knowledge of the task ahead of me encouraged me to keep pushing it off until it just did not make sense to do it.

But I am afraid, because I have done so well over the past few months, and every time I have a good streak in my life of going to the gym, it ends because I start missing days. This will be the first day I've missed crossfit since I started my streak. Actually, that trend goes to my life in general. I like starting out perfectly and I like continuing perfectly, and I often just don't see the point in continuing once the perfection has been broken. It's a big problem.

But, I don't want to try and make up for it here in words. THINGS ARE TOUGH RIGHT NOW, AND MORALE IS LOW. I'll be honest that my discussion with Chris on the train Friday night was extremely discouraging, because it felt like Chris was sort of accepting limitations on what he was capable of achieving. And, just like everything else, once I see the first crack in the dam, I tend to start to cave.

I don't want that to happen here. I want to achieve my fitness goals. I can tell that I'm so close to being "cut," but for some reason I feel like there are so many factors against me right now. I was lagging on getting my food prepped last week, and now this whole gym thing, it's driving me crazy.

In order to achieve my goals, I need to continue posting here and posting honestly every day. It's just like rehab! You have to become addicted to the patterns. In some ways, it's horrifying, but in others, at least it's a kind of horrifying that gets you somewhere. I have to get back in the gym tomorrow and perhaps start increasing my cardio to 60 min in order to really get those last few percentages.

I also need to make a list of food to get to cook, and cook that steak I have in the freezer.

The transition to the new forum is also a little scary, because the wave has sort of been the foundation of what I set out to achieve. I know it lives on in spirit, but it's still a little scary and I think now is a time where I really need to focus on making the transition successful.

1) 3/4 cup oatmeal, 2% milk, 3pc can bacon, 1pc turkey bacon 10AM
2) arugula and carrots with balsamic vinegar, miniburger 12:25PM
3) chicken stir fry 3PM
4) salad with chicken 6:30PM
5) chicken stir fry 9PM

Forgot to weigh myself but I probably don't want to. Last night involved lots of drinking and Prince's Hot Chicken (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72xXxV9qIPg).

Got a basketball game today. Going to do my normal ab routine either before or after.

Meal 1: Half cinnamon raisin bagel with chunky PB
Meal 2: 3 eggs, 1 slice cheese, 2 pieces whole wheat. Handful of fiber one to help with this chicken.
Meal 3: healthy choice whole grain ziti with meat sauce, kashi bar, whips yogurt
Meal 4: 1 scoop protein
Workout
Meal 5: 2 scoops protein, medium whole wheat honey bourbon chicken from quiznos
Meal 6: 4 small pieces whole wheat bruschetta, 3 fried eggs
Meal 7: 1.5 servings frosted mini wheats with skim

Workout:
Bball game
50 crunches, 20 russian twists, 25 leg lifts, 50 legs out crunches, 20 pikes, 30 legs up crunches, 25 bicycle crunches, 50 crunches

9.5% bf? That's awesome, congrats. Can you see abs yet?

As I said, there have been some increases in my chest/belly fat. But I think I've been measuring my legs wrong... when I remeasured it has me at around 14%. Maybe that's where I'm at. Regardless, I'm going to push to 190-195 this week and then start dieting again.

I mean it doesn't do you any good to gain 10lbs in a week. It's just gonna be water weight and fat. If you want to gain 10lbs of muscle, you're probably going to want to maintain a rate of like a .5-1lb a week.

Yea I didn't want to get to 195 by the end of the week. But I'm aiming for 2 lbs a week, and then I'll see what to do.