Friday, August 16

Not feeling great this morning. The cat got me up at 6 again, and I tried to not feed her until 9, but she wouldn't leave me alone. I only got 4 hours of sleep, but I figured it's better to just stay up and be sleepy than go back to bed and feel shitty getting up at 11.

Also not pleased to see I was 222lbs on the scale this morning, so I guess yesterday's terrible eating was not without a price. My weight affects my self-esteem so much, and the hardest part is that all I want to do when I feel shitty is eat something to make me feel better. It has also deeply affected my desire to go to the gym or have any hope that things will work out in my favor at all.

Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to keep myself from eating something unhealthy this morning. Hopefully I'll at least not break my streak going to the gym, but I can already feel depression setting in, and I just want to lay in bed and cancel all of my appointments.

Meal 1: two eggs, extra bacon, ketchup, bagel, butter, coffee milk/sugar
Meal 2: Brisket sandwich (white ciabatta), fries
Meal 3: Philly cheesesteak, fries, 2 beers, 1 gin martini
Meal 4: 1 slice pizza

So, ended up trashing the day. I have a big problem with spiraling downwards VERY quickly.

On the upside, I did work out:

Squats 125x5x3
Bench 95x5x3
Deadlift 155x5x3

Well, I think you should get out of your apartment, get to the gym and put in a good workout. It always feels so much better when you are finished - both mentally and physically. Also, I thin that you should use the fitbit to manage your calorie intake. it is ok to have a bad day as long as you balance it with 5-6 good days.